You!
Yeah, you!
Little shrimpy kid!
Are you too weak to hold your own in a fight?
Are you so out of shape, you're considered a local anomaly?
Are you worried that when you step onto the high school campus, you're going to have it dealt to you at every turn? Are you concerned that you can't defend yourself?
Maybe you've tried every other martial art with no resolve:
No dice?
Then it looks like you need the brand-new patented "SUPER PUNCH"!
Derived from a ten thousand year old traditional discipline of Mountain Dew overdose and Mark Hamill haircuts, Sensei Slim of the Goon-ery Clan has a newly developed attack just for you!
The Super Punch combines the raw power of a drunken Irish dropkick with the efficiency of a double-barrel punch. Bring the "climactic" back to the schoolyard fights with THIS little doozy.
As you can see from this vaguely scientific MRI-esque diagram, the effectiveness of the Super Punch on your opponent is nothing short of astronomical:
So, if it's safe to say you're as much as a pansy, as oh, say, me:
Sign up today for Super Punch lessons at Slim's Dojo (i.e. that creepy shed in the woods behind his house!)
There's never been a cooler way to add three points of charisma and six points of dexterity to your profile!
- The JSP
0 comments:
Post a Comment