My Current Relationship Status with Horror Flicks

It's too bad Facebook doesn't have an option with which to express your relationships with movies. Frankly, I'd find that to be a much more insightful window into the psyche of that person whose profile you're currently reading. They'll ask you about your relationship status (and give a few options to answer with) and then they'll separately ask you about your favorite movies. But if we could combine these two elements of Facebook profiling, you could deduce a lot more about a person. 

Mine, for example, might read something like:


Relationship Status: Married to "the Boondock Saints"

or 


Relationship Status: Engaged to "Cool Hand Luke"

or 


Relationship Status: In a Relationship with "Kick-Ass"

or even...

Relationship Status: It's complicated with "The Cable Guy"


As for horror movies, however...let's just say we broke up a long time ago. When you give a seven-year-old girl with a psychosomatic stomach problem a low-blow like "The Shining", she'll either develop a complex ala Clockwork Orange or she'll break up with the horror movie genre in its entirety. 

That's right. I don't like horror movies. Call me a pansy, I don't care. Horror movies are based on a ridiculous social quirk that I've yet to fully understand. I mean, where's the entertainment value in staying up for three days hyperventilating in the dark? If there is any, I've yet to find it...

 Yet people, especially between the ages of twelve and twenty-two, compulsively hork down horror flicks like the energy drinks they guzzle down for the next few days post-movie...

Of course, I have heard the reasons behind wanting to watch these wastes of celluloid. With teenage guys, the most common reason to watch a horror flick is if you're bringing a chick along with you and you need an excuse to break the physical contact barrier...

Of course, this strategy has been known to back-fire on occasion...

But most of time, people go about their horror movie relationships as if other people are impressed by it. The way in which people so casually insert their menu of horror flicks into a conversation gives me a look into their minds: surely  seeing the hottest horror flick in the theaters makes you the most bad-@$$ in the history of all bad-@$$ery...

But I do have to admit I have a bit of a natural bias against purposefully scaring oneself into hysteria. It's no secret that I've little composure when someone sneaks up behind me, accidentally or otherwise. I tend to be quite jumpy...

So for those of you who may have stronger nerves than myself, I suppose all I can say is ENJOY them, and sure! Enjoy you're creepy little movies. They're not for me. I'll just stick with my usual frightened fare...

- The JSP