The Science of Tacos

Everyone is on a quest for "awesome": I believe this to be a key insight into the human condition. "Awesome" has many names and many forms, and thanks to the Internet, "awesome" has become much more frequent and accessible. 

Because, of course, let's imagine life in the late 19th Century America: electricity is either brand-spankin' new or TBD, people still die by being outdoors when it's wet, and horses are still practical to own (and not just a creepy hobby adopted by women isolationists). Now, the work-a-day schmo comes across something "awesome"...

Mutton Chops here then tawdles off to home where he sits down to write a lengthy letters to his two or three regular correspondents. Of course, by the time the horse-drawn carriage has brought him to his doorstep, his mind has already gone to other things, thus making the letter vague and sort of a let-down in anticipation (not to mention Victorian English being a complete fun-suck of a language). 

By the time the letter does in fact reach the recipient (after going through the hands of a dozen or so gun-toting postmen, a few dying from polio or something) it's just not that interesting anymore. 

Then thank God for our ability to record that dog smoking a cigarette on our iPhones and get it in the faces of millions of people world-wide within seconds, and with minimal casualties! "Awesome" is now abundant. 

And during my daily perusing of much "awesome", I noticed there is something that everyone keeps coming back to time and again...

Tacos.

Possibly the highest concentration of "awesome" contained in something so portable and convenient and affordable, tacos are praised Internet 'round from the wealthiest of kings to the wellfare-iest of college students. No red-blooded American can deny the absolute sanctity of tacos...but it crossed my mind one day: how can something like a taco find its way into the hearts and minds of millions so effortlessly?

I decided to approach this scientifically. Beginning with...


The Aesthetics of Tacos: 

Tacos are aesthetically pleasing, for one thing...

 

Unlike the frumpy burrito (in which all the goodness is hidden and bundled up in an ugly, forgettable tortilla) or the skanky taco salad (in which all the ingredients are shamelessly spread out and wide open on the plate), the taco combines the modest shell with a flirtatious view of the delicious, edible intensity within!

The Substance of Tacos: 

The ingredients are also key to the popularity of tacos. We all know that taco ingredients transcend more than one dish, but these ingredients are incredibly important in and of themselves. A taco is inherently incomplete without at least incorporating the following things...

Tomatoes: a big, red ball of delicious, rocking the best of both veggie and fruit worlds. 

Lettuce: an inviting, cooling freshness; particularly welcome after the mind-bending spicyness of a quality taco (NOTE: if your taco isn't spicier than the Thai-food rating of, say, three stars, you're a pansy. You're not a bad or an evil person, but you're a pansy). 

Cheese: anything that has been squeezed out of the wrong end of a cow, fermented in a giant tank, dyed neon yellow and then liquefied has GOT to be tasty!

Meat: Beef, chicken, or fish! Doesn't matter! IT'S A FRIGGIN' TACO!!

And finally...

The Country of Origin: 

All kinds of awesome things have come out of Mexico over the years: luchadors, machetes, sombreros, potatoes, and snake-wielding eagles, to name a few. It's no surprise than that something as righteous as a taco would come out of another singularly B.A. nation...

In conclusion, the Internet community can't seem to get enough of the subject of tacos, and I can perfectly understand that. But as awesome as tacos are on their own, there have been a few recent modifications to the original design that, once caught on by the web-surfin' public, might end up exploding the cyber-verse with "awesome"...

- The JSP